Ever Feel Like You Don't Fit In?

Over spring break we toured the Biltmore House. It’s known as the biggest private home in America–178,900 square feet, 35 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms and 65 fireplaces. 250 rooms total. Wow! George Vanderbilt had it built, moved in, and threw a Christmas extravaganza for his friends in 1895. Think of all the first class glamor and grandeur of the Titanic but on land.
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The stunning exterior of the Biltmore House

Walking through the rooms with the guided audio tour in our ears my mind pictured driving through the gates in a carriage, being shown the room Vanderbilt and his staff had gotten ready especially for me with fresh sheets on the bed and fresh flowers cut from their extensive gardens sitting in a vase by the bedside where I might stay for weeks on end to visit. I imagined getting “dressed” for dinner in an elegant gown (I do love the red carpet) and being seated at the dining room fit for royalty where a multicourse meal would be prepared and served to me on gold rimmed china. Imagine having that much care and intentionality put into your stay!

None of the Vanderbilts live in the house anymore, and realistically if they did, I would not be on their invite list. Also, I would have felt extremely awkward and out of place with all those forks and finery. I’m a girl who loves to get dressed up, but also loves to slip on my pjs and smiley face slippers in the evenings. I’m sure by the first meal I would have wondered what in the actual world I was doing there. 

There are so many times in life where I’ve felt out of place, like I don’t belong. You?

Like meeting my husband’s parents for the first time at a restaurant. They asked me if I played golf. 
“Ummm, no,” I answered. 
“Really?” They seemed so confused.
When we ordered our meals they asked, “Why don’t you eat red meat?”
“I don’t like it.” I answered, but it sounded more like I was questioning myself.
Gosh I wanted to impress them but, gheesh, I didn’t even know how to answer the questions that seemed important to them. 

Or walking into a Bible study at a new church we were attending. I knew exactly one woman in the room. We got along, but weren’t close. Also you were supposed to have cash to pay for the workbook, but I didn’t, because who knew? Well apparently everyone else who all knew each other and seemed to be in on some secret Bible study code. 

Here's me in sweats (not a gown) where I'd feel most comfortable--the library! Look at all these fabulous books!

Or climbing the bleachers at the first high school sporting event of one of our kids. I hadn’t been in a high school stadium since I was in high school. But I saw some women wearing team gear who were obviously other moms and found a seat next to them. I introduced myself and told them who my daughter was. They smiled, told me their names, and proceeded to reminisce about the time they’d double dated to prom. As they cheered for our team, they also laughed about last weekend’s cookout at their mutual friends’ house. These ladies were friendly, but I was clearly not one of them.

In all these scenarios I felt out of place. Like I did not belong. Did not fit in. Could not fit in.

But here’s the truth. I am still 100% me when I walk into a mansion, restaurant, church, stadium, or any other room. Nothing changes about me. About how God made me. My strengths don’t disappear. The people I love and who love me don’t vanish. The things that bring me joy don’t stop making me smile. Same holds true for you. But we tend to forget. We tend to think if we’re not like them, if we don’t know them, if we don’t know the things they know, then we’re not okay, or not included. We get the sudden idea that we should be more or less or wear that brand of shoes or eat red meat or have $15 in our wallet or have somehow shared some of their previous experiences.

But Jesus says differently.
The Bible says even before God made the world, He loved and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes (Ephesians 1:4). What? Before there were mansions, restaurants, bleachers, or Bible studies God loved and chose you and me. He chose us to be without fault. Yeah. He did. He does.

Brett’s parents soon welcomed me into the family and loved me as if I were their actual daughter. I ended up teaching multiple Bible studies at that church where I initially felt out of place. But I never fit in with the team moms who’d known each other for decades. They were nice enough. They just shared too much prior history. There have been other times I’ve felt like I didn’t fit, but discovered that was a good thing, because it wasn’t actually the kind of crowd or place I wanted to fit into. Yet other places I’ve tried or wanted to be included, but never was. Sometimes you will and sometimes you won’t belong or fit into a crowd. That’s just life. 

But there is someone with whom you always fit, are always welcome, included, and valued. He loves you and has open arms waiting for you. His name is Jesus.

Walking around the rooms of the Biltmore House and how they were so well tended I kept thinking of when Jesus said, “Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home. If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live” (John 14:2-3). 

Jesus always has room for us. Jesus always wants us with Him. Jesus invites us to hang out with Him every day. Jesus prepares rooms and places for us, with much more intention and care than the Biltmores and their staff ever did for their guests. What Jesus offers is way better than fresh flowers or fresh sheets or multi-course meals. It’s unending love and grace and joy and peace. We matter to Jesus. He loves us. 

No matter what rooms or groups you walk into today, don’t believe for one second that you need to be anyone other than who God created you to be. Jesus says differently.  Jesus welcomes you saying, “I am so glad you are here.”


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