I went for a run today, listened to my “Run” playlist and came back dripping with sweat. It had been a long time (due to the unseasonably cool weather) since I’d been dripping with sweat, or since I’d listened to music on a run. I’ve been listening to podcasts and books on tapes, which are great, but music? I’ve missed it. It feeds my soul. I realized I’ve been busy doing lots of wonderful things, but some of my favorite things have been packed away with my swimsuits and sundresses. As the cicadas emerge (yikes!) so do lots of other things that make my heart sing.
It’s not that I’ve been doing nothing. Or that I’ve been doing yucky things. Not at all. It’s just I feel a tangible shift as spring sidesteps into summer, from school year, to having the kids home. Yes, my actual daily routine changes, but something about my whole persona swings too.
I live in a college town, so my habitat changes overnight from the buzz of millennials filling the sidewalks and shops wearing back packs and holding coffee cups to almost empty streets, and locals splashing with their kids in the uptown fountains while licking ice cream cones. How does your life change when you turn your calendar to summer? How does your schedule change with longer, hotter days? Do you go from pots of soup to steaks on the grill? From jazz to pop? From evening workouts at the gym to early morning walks outside?
Since I’ve always loved a good research paper (I’m serious. I’m that nerdy girl), the past few months have been fascinating. The work I’ve been doing has called me to learn. I’ve been immersed in studying everything from the layout of Anne Frank’s hideout, to the structure of a biography, to the ropes used on ancient ships, to the Hebrew translation of the word “fear.” I love research. I do. But the little girl who spent countless hours of her childhood hidden in the branches of willow trees transported to Narnia—that part of me—is thrilled to be dipping my toes back in the pools of fiction. Writing nonfiction is thought provoking. And I love to learn, but writing fiction is flowing and creative and unpredictable. I never know what my characters will say or where they’ll end up as they journey to the end of their tale. My mind and my soul delight in the wandering.
I am amazed that God has created so many different pieces of me—even pieces that oppose one another. How can one girl love to discover historical details and adore making things up? How can she like to cuddle under piles of blankets and sit in the sun, allowing the rays to warm her through and through? Well, because God created me to love books—all books, and warmth—however I can get it. And because life changes, because I end up in different places at different times, because I have different assignments and adventures and opportunities and obstacles and challenges and puzzles to solve, I get to tap into the ways God made me and enjoy them in every circumstance. He’s done the same with you—woven varied likes and cravings and interests into your very being. And He loves it when you tap into different parts of them, when you exercise new or dormant muscles.
I’m transitioning from things I love to other things I love—from boots to flip flops, from dark roast to iced coffee, from the darkest of burgundy to the palest pinks and brightest blues on my fingers and toes. I’m grateful for all of them! And they’re all me—parts of me—parts of me that need to be expressed and that blink in joy at the dazzling sunlight when they emerge after hibernating.
So for now, I’ll tuck away my favorite army jackets and close off my beloved fireplace. I’ll stretch my legs and let my mind dance and allow the freedom of summer to infiltrate my very being. And when the leaves start to turn, I’ll be just as excited to pull out my sweaters and scarves.
How about you? Why not make a list of things you love about summertime? I’d love to hear how your schedule switches and how your different God-given passions and joys emerge in the warmer months.
My daughters and I were getting ready for church the other morning. We pulled out our cute tanks and fun dresses from the backs of our closets, because Ohio had thawed and it was a lovely 75 degrees outside. But all of these adorable clothes created issues. Just like some of our choices, moods and decisions in life create unstable and undesirable scenarios.
One by one the girls and I entered each other’s rooms asking, “Does this look alright?” “How’s the back?” “Is this too fill in the blank?” All the skinny straps and racer backs are darling on mannequins and hangers, but they require special camis, bras, and sweaters to stay stylish while maintaining some dignity. My girls and I enviously eyed the three guys in our family who simply pulled shirts over their heads and shorts around their waists while eating jellybeans.
We eventually made it out the door, but this getting dressed episode had happened one too many times. For a while I’d put off the work necessary to solve the problem. We’d find wardrobe solutions for the day, but then repeat the same struggle the next time my girls and I pulled out our cute summer styles. Enough was enough. After church I logged onto Target’s website and started filling my shopping cart. It’s no fun to spend your clothing allowance on undergarments, but it is a necessary investment to enjoy all of the adorable warm-weather fashions. There are other investments we need to make in our lives too, much more important ones.
Because there are days when our lives don’t look quite right, don’t fit how they’re supposed to, make us feel uncomfortable. Some days we say too much or too little. Some days we’re grumpy and go off on the people we love most. Some days we’re tired and have a headache and withdraw and don’t do our best, because it’s hard. Some days we’re so focused on our agendas that we forget about the people around us, about what’s going on with them, what’s important to them. Some days we go along with the crowd—laugh at that joke, join in on the gossip, have one too many whatevers for our own good.
And then it’s time to say, “Enough is enough!” and get back to Jesus, because He will tell us over and over again who He made us to be, how He’s packed us with potential, how He loves us for exactly who we truly are.
But we need to be intentional and invest in getting back to where we belong. Just like my daughters and I needed to assess the causes of our wardrobe malfunctions, we need to take a look at what’s causing us to wander from our true identities. And once we figure it out—by talking to trustworthy friends, reading the Bible, praying—we need to be ready to devote our time, energy and resources into getting back on track.
Just like I had to bite the bullet and use my credit card to buy bras with assorted backs and straps, sometimes we need to take the time to write a note, or call with an apology, or sit down face to face and explain what we meant or where we’re coming from. Sometimes we need to rethink who we’re sitting with and the places and ways we’re spending our time. Do we need more sleep? Less caffeine? More exercise? Less social media? Are these the people and places that help us be the best versions of ourselves? Or when we’re there or around them are the wrong parts of our personalities showing?
When life gets off-kilter, exposing the wrong parts of us, trending too low or too high or plain inappropriate, we need to step back and assess the situation. Where do we need to adjust our straps, invest time, money, resources into getting back in line with who we are and who we’re meant to be? It always starts with Jesus. He’s who made us in the first place. He’s the one who loves us more than we can imagine. When we look at ourselves as He sees us, we see who we can be, who we want to be, and then the effort to get back to our true reflections seems as simple as clicking “Add to Cart.”
“So apparently when you all signed up for your fitness passes, you signed a waiver agreeing you could be photographed or filmed to promote the Rec Center,” my instructor pauses. “Do any of you have a problem with that? Because I totally understand if you do.” Her blue eyes glance around the room, because she knows most of us, because she cares about our wellness and about our privacy. “They’re filming today, and we can always move you or organize you, so you don’t show up on film.”
Someone commented they would have worn nicer workout gear if they’d known. What was I even wearing?
Someone else suggested they weren’t on their best game today and asked to move to the corner. Not a horrible idea.
If we’re being filmed, let’s face it; we’d want our best to show.
It got me thinking about what it would be like if my entire day was filmed. Would it change what I wore? What I said? How I reacted? Would there be things I would beg the cameraperson to delete? Yes. Other things I’d ask if they could retake? Definitely. Would I want a handful of do-overs? Absolutely, plus a few more, please. What if someone was filming my entire week or month or year of life? Gheesh!
What if they were filming yours?
There are some frivolous things that come to mind, like I’d need to clean my house, and then my car. I probably wouldn’t wear my worn-out slippers as often as I do, and maybe I’d be motivated to cook something a bit more elaborate than tacos for dinner. I might question if it’s necessary for me to nibble on all of those chocolate chips at 11:00 AM? I might answer, yes, yes it is necessary, but still I might question it.
But there are way more important things I’d want to focus on, like every word that comes out of my mouth—is it affirming? Is it hopeful, encouraging, pointing people back to Jesus? Or is it whiny, prideful or sarcastic? Am I fritzing too much time on social media and Googling random questions that clutter my head, or am I using my time wisely? Would I be less judgmental? Would I be more attentive to my kids, more adoring to my husband?
The thing is, someone can see everything we do, and it’s not Siri, Echo, Google Home, or Big Brother. It’s God. He sees us waking up and knows the first thought that pops into our heads—good or bad. He sees how we act when we’re stuck in traffic, when our team beats our rival, when we’re scrambling to meet a deadline, when that certain person texts, and when we’re faced with a difficult decision. He sees all of it, and no matter how badly (or well) we act, no matter how many times we mess up (or get it right), He loves us.
I type that and it still blows me away.
Jesus sees everything I do, knows everything I think, and loves me anyway. Loves you anyway.
If the cameras were rolling would you act differently today?
There are so many things I could do better. So many things I’m working on in my life. Quite frankly, knowing Jesus loves me that much inspires me to continuously try to fine-tune my attitude and heart. Not because He demands it, but because I am so honored and overwhelmed that He cares that much about me (about you, too!). Some days I do all right. Others, not so much. But I am grateful that every day, the God who created heaven and earth is by my side. He offers love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control when I don’t have it on my own. And when I’m too stubborn or weak to accept the beautiful fruit He offers, He still loves me. Despite it all.
And that? God loving us no matter how many scenes of our lives we mess up? That sounds like the best love story of all time.
Would you do anything differently, if you were being filmed?
The other day I wanted to wear my white jeans. I went to my closet but couldn’t find them. I started flipping through piles, digging through shelves, and even asked my daughter if maybe, she’d borrowed my white jeans. When she said, “no,” and I still couldn’t find them I got a little frenzied, and in desperation may or may not have thrown all of my jeans on the floor.
Later, calmer, as I refolded my jeans and lined them back on my shelf, I shook my head, because I clearly have too many pairs of jeans. And the thing is if you have too much of something, it weighs you down, gets in your way, and makes it harder to do the things you were made to do.
Too many pairs of jeans meant not being able to find the pair I was looking for. Which were a waste of time and a source of unnecessary stress.
Too much ice cream too fast gives me a brain freeze. Too much sun burns my skin. Too much caffeine makes me jittery. Too many things scheduled into my day stresses me out as I try to do it all and get there on time. But there are more dangerous things too, aren’t there? Too much spending can cause financial strain and debt. Too much time with the wrong people and we can start to lose sense of our true selves.
My heap o’ jeans led to a good old closet cleansing. Yes, all of this excess in the picture—bags upon bags—came out in one day (and I hadn’t even touched three of my kids’ drawers yet). All of this stuff was hampering ease of finding things, decisions about what to wear, making it difficult to shut drawers. It was time to purge. These items can now go where they can do some good – old goalie jerseys to the local soccer program, outgrown school uniforms to younger kids at the school, and clothes we just don’t need to the local community charity. Of course, when I start to get rid of excess it just opens my eyes to how much of it I have, and how much more I need to clean out. But it’s not just my closets that need cleared out.
Is there any excess baggage you’re carrying around? Too many late nights leaving you exhausted? Too many texts from someone who belittles you making you feel small and desperate? Too many episodes of Friends leaving you unproductive? Too many hours stressing about the same job/relationship/fill-in-the-blank over and over again instead of handing it over to God? Too much time on social media making you brain-dead? I know a lot of people focus on spring-cleaning, but there’s no time like the present to get rid of whatever is bogging you down.
When I get rid of excess, I pare down closer to the core of who I am, my true essence, my true reflection. When I purge the things cluttering my life and heart there is less in the way of who God created me to be, and more time and space for me to just be His child.
What about you? What excess do you need to get rid of in your life?
Amy Schumer is in a rant because she was included in Glamour’s plus-size special issue and Glamour didn’t even tell her that’s what she was agreeing to.
It doesn’t make me rant, but it makes me sad, because I can’t figure out why there is even such thing as a plus-size issue.
Earlier this spring Sports Illustrated patted themself on the back for featuring a “plus-size” model on one of their three swimsuit edition covers and now Glamour brags about inspiring body positivity by segregating plus-size models into a separate issue? I like SI and Glamour, but why did all of a sudden the fashion industry decide they are good citizens for including “plus size” women in their mix? Shouldn’t beauty magazines always be promoting beauty—all kinds and shapes and sizes of beauty? When a fashion mag titles something a “plus-size issue” they are labeling this as an alternative type of beauty, as if it’s not normal beauty, but beauty that goes in a separate issue, not a regular issue. Glamour doesn’t come across as applauding bigger sizes but segregating them.
Do we classify each other’s sunset pictures on Instagram by ranking them on a scale of 1-10? No! They’re all beautiful in their own right. Can you tell me if a lily, a rose or a daffodil is more beautiful?
Every time I pass my Easter lily I swoon at its perfume. I stop and stare at the elegant trumpet-shaped blooms. If I look just past it out my kitchen window, I see the completely different buttercup-shaped daffodils decorating my yard. They don’t have the heavy aroma of lilies but the fresh, sweet scent of springtime. My point? They are both stunning. And if you added in delicate daisies or gorgeous roses to the mix, you’d still be hard-pressed to prove that one flower or even one type of flower is more beautiful than another. And these are just flowers. Imagine the diverse beauty of women!
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27 NKJV
And so it is with God’s image-bearers, there are women He created in all shapes and sizes. So why do we jump to measure a woman’s worth, put her into neat tidy categories based on the numbers on the scale, or the measurement of her waist, or the size on the label inside her jeans.
True beauty is celebrating who we are, who God made us to be, our true reflections, not saying one of us is better or worse no matter what our size is. I know Amy Schumer is concerned because she was labeled. She has a huge fan base, so she’s also concerned about what that label will do to distort others’ body image. But what if we did away with the labels all together, and celebrated our original, beautiful selves? What if the beauty industry chimed in and celebrated the beauty of all women?
That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with your lives. Each of us is an original. Gal 5:26
Glamour editor, Cindi Leive, writes "many Glamour readers who wear size 14 and up tell us they don't see images celebrating their shape as often as they'd like."
So why not incorporate size 14 and up beauties right along with waif-like models and models with medium bone structures into all of your issues all of the time? Have dark-skinned and light-skinned models, tall and short models, red heads, blondes and brunettes all touting “how to dress for the heat” and sporting the “hottest colors for spring”. Dove rocks at this! Have you seen their ads touting, “We see beauty all around us.” Even some local mags, like Minneapolis/St. Paul’s shopping guide feature a broad array of beautiful women on the cover. These images make God smile, because He sees the true beauty in all of these women, and He wants us to do the same.
The beauty industry claims they are embracing a broader view. I challenge them to open their eyes a little wider—to stop pigeon holing different body types, and instead to embrace and highlight all female body types for what they are, truly, uniquely beautiful. I challenge us to let it begin with us, to embrace our own body types, and celebrate exactly how we were made by the One who Created us.
Have you seen any ads or publications that do a great job of celebrating all types of beauty? I'd love to hear about it. Share in the comments below.
Open Letter to Sports Illustrated and its Swimsuit Cover Girls Why this year’s covers do the opposite of embrace true beauty
There’s been a lot of hype about the annual swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated. This year, the magazine is promoting the fact that they ran not one, but three covers to promote what true beauty looks like.
“It’s always been an objective of mine to be more inclusive and be more representative of what real beauty is,” MJ Day, editor of the issue explains in an interview with People magazine.
The covers feature:
1. Typical young thin blonde model, Hailey Clauson
2. Muscular women’s fighter, Ronda Rousey
3. Countercultural size 14 model, Ashley Graham
I love the buzz around embracing different body types and being more inclusive in our definitions of beauty. I am a huge proponent of embracing true beauty, that each of us is a unique, perfect masterpiece. But, Sports Illustrated, I am so confused!
We’ve come so far in celebrating the inner strength, true beauty and athletic prowess of women’s athletes like Carli Lloyd, 2015 FIFA player of the year. We’ve brilliantly praised the true beauty of curvy-figured Adele whose heart-wrenching voice stirs our souls. So how can we be okay with the number one magazine sold and viewed by on average, 23 million people, bringing in over $1 billion, to be of naked women under the guise of “sports” and “embracing beauty”?
It disturbs me. And it breaks my heart. As a mother and advocate for women of all ages, here is what I want to say to each cover girl and to Sports Illustrated about how we should define true beauty.
Cover girl #1, Hailey Clauson you are beautiful. But Sports Illustrated, how is showcasing her wearing only a g-string and squashing her breasts with her hands embracing her true beauty? I have two daughters. There has never been a day that I have thought I would build my girls’ self-confidence by telling them to dress scantily or draw attention to themselves by exposing their bodies. Not once. This is not how I want them to view beauty, or how I hope they aspire to define their worth. I also have two sons, and I do not want them to see this image, drop their jaws, drool, and think, this is what I’m looking for in a girl. This is what defines beauty. This cover doesn’t embrace the whole beautiful package of Hailey, but only her physique displayed in objectified positions.
Cover girl #2, Ronda Rousey, you are beautiful. Sports Illustrated, you chose her to make a statement that strong, athletic bodies are beautiful. My daughters are athletes. I love that they find confidence and self-esteem in working hard, playing as a team, giving it their all and pushing their bodies to be strong. But SI, your athlete “role model” is naked. Yes, nude, as in zero clothing, just body paint. Not a stitch of swimsuit. And the last time I checked, paint does not count as clothes. How is placing Ronda, naked with a tapestry painted on her torso, embracing her talent, skill, drive, strength, accomplishments, girl power, which is integral to her true beauty?
Cover girl #3, Ashley Graham, you are beautiful. Your smile is dazzling and I’m so impressed that you have been an advocate for eliminating the word “plus size” from our vocabulary, especially within the fashion and magazine industry. You even rocked a Ted Talk proclaiming we should just say, “my size.” But Sports Illustrated, you brag Ashley is the “first plus-size cover model” to grace your publication. SI you’ve not only ignored Ashley’s personal cause, but thrown it back in her face, or should I say, her bikini.
All of this has been on my mind since I saw an interview with the cover girls on Good Morning America. I’ve been mulling it over. Thinking through it. Excited that people are out there talking about body image, that interviews are taking place about how beautiful all body types are, but at the same time truly frightened about the ramifications of good intentions with scary results.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19
When I opened my mailbox last week to see a topless Hailey Clauson smiling at me, I felt violated. My fourteen-year old son subscribes to SI. He’s a sports fanatic. But because the swimsuit issue has been risqué for years, we check the box on his subscription card to get the full year of Sports Illustrated WITHOUT the swimsuit issue. Yes, even when we deliberately chose that these images would not mold our sons’ or daughters’ views of what true beauty is Time Inc. still delivered it to our household. What?
I tossed the magazine in the recycler. But its contents are haunting me. It concerns me that this was delivered to at least three million other mailboxes, that at lease another million people purchased it at newsstands, that more than 23 million other pairs of eyes will see objectified, naked women under the distorted lens of calling this ‘celebrating true beauty’.
True beauty is what lights you up inside. True beauty is your laugh, the way your eyes sparkle, yes, your specific and unique curves, height, skin color and hair texture. But not as individual parts, not as body parts, and those body parts weren’t made to be exploited. Just as Seurat’s pointillism painting, “A Sunday on La Grande Jatte,” isn’t about a certain shade of green he used or the child in the forefront of the painting or the size of the canvas, it is a masterpiece because a million dots in a range of colors, all come together to create one beautiful picture. That is like each of us, a million different components, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, talents, skills, insights, smiles, curves of eyebrows, all coming together to create beautiful, individual masterpieces. This is what we need to celebrate. I would love to see Time Inc. truly take this on, but they aren’t doing so with this year’s swimsuit covers.
How do you feel about the swimsuit issue? Leave a comment below if you think Sports Illustrated is broadening or narrowing our view of beauty?
Once upon a time my wardrobe consisted of suits, practical dresses, and slacks (primarily purchased at Ann Taylor). Every week I’d fly to a swanky suburb of DC, grind out a day’s full of meetings in my business attire, then top off my day with carryout I’d devour back in my hotel prior to crashing. I’d begin the next morning with a run on the hotel treadmill only to dive back in again full force, wearing a sensible suit, of course.
If you know me, you might be puzzled. Who is that person I just described.
I was a product of the world I lived in. I’d gone to a well-respected university, graduated with my business degree, worked my way up the ladder of my corporate real estate firm, and bought into the outfits and lifestyle associated with it. I enjoyed my job, made good money, traveled, and worked with a great group of people. I’d always been told to “dress for success” and to “dress for the job I wanted to have, not the position I currently held.” And this was great advice. It IS important to wear clothing appropriate for your place in life—my army pants, Rasta belt and concert tees would have been a no-no at work. Out of respect, it was important for me to dress professionally. But I was so caught up in “looking the part” that I conformed 100% to the business attire expectations. I traded out the funky accessories and edgier styles I loved (and that would have been perfectly acceptable) for pulled back hair and tailored clothes. But it wasn’t me! It was like a version of me playacting. And so, my gypsy skirts and stacks of bracelets got pushed further and further back in my closet to make room for the costume I wore each day to fully get into character, to attempt to impress others.
I tried on a pair of those old slacks the other day. They were black, basic, classic. I thought they’d look nice with a cute top for a celebration I was attending. And they would look lovely on so many people I know. But, I couldn’t yank them off myself fast enough. Whose pants were these? They fit my body, but they didn’t fit me. I have loads of friends who thrive in the corporate world, who look stunning in suits, and Ann Taylor continues to sell lovely, well-manufactured clothes. But that’s never who I truly was. While trying to impress my boss and clients, I lost sight of my true reflection. You see, at heart, I’m a hippie chick.
I’m back to embracing that inner flower child—feeling more comfortable in my own skin, and my own clothes than ever. I got a hobo bag and bell-bottoms for Christmas. LOVE! I feel happy inside when I wear flowing blouses and dresses with flippy skirts, when I wrap myself in scarves, and when I let my crazy curls down. I feel pretty and at home and energized and like I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be.
Who are you? Who did God create you to be? What’s stopping you from being that person? From letting your true reflection shine?
Are you dressing up and playing the part the world dictates? Conforming to what your friends, your company, your team, or your neighbors are wearing? Are you doing the opposite of me? Dressing Boho, because your girlfriends are making their own granola and hanging around music festivals, even though you’d feel more at ease in a suit perfectly balancing numbers and ledgers in a row? Are you going Goth, because all the other artists and performers you hang out with are, even though you secretly wish your name was Muffy? Are you spiffing up, although more comfortable in athletic wear, or vice versa? Or are you embracing the style of your beautiful, amazing self?
Yes, there are times when appropriate attire is necessary. When a uniform is required to work, play, volunteer, march, etc. When we are more formal out of respect (weddings, funerals, meetings). When we dress down for functionality (gardening, cleaning, building). Hiking boots help us climb. Rain boots keep our feet dry. Riding boots protect our feet while on horseback. But when it’s just you, going about your daily routine, what are you wearing? Why? Are you a clone of the people around you? Or do you exercise your own God-given individual style? You are an original. Dress like it. You’ll feel as beautiful as you truly are.
What’s your absolute favorite article of clothing or personal style? I’d love to hear. Just click on the “Read More” tab/“Comments” below.
It’s Addicting, my latest novel, the third in the Status Updates series releases July 14! That’s only FIVE days away! Wowza! Claire, Kat, Palmer, Hannah, and I have been itching to tell you what happens in their sophomore year of college, and now, we can’t wait any longer.
Because I’m so excited about the release, I’m going to give away an autographed copy of It’s Complicated, an autographed copy of It’s Over and an autographed copy of the brand new, It’s Addicting.
This is how it’s going to work. We’re going to do a countdown. Today’s day five. So today, we’re counting down our favorite fashion addictions.
We say it all the time right? But the only thing I'm truly addicted to is Christ!
For the contest: All you have to do to enter is comment and tell me one of your addictions AND share the link on one of your social media sites. You can comment on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest, and share any of those ways as well. You can enter once each day of the countdown (limited to five total entries per person), and at the end of the five days, on release day, July 14, I’ll pick three winners – one for each title—via Randomizer.
Today is fashion addiction day, so tell me one of your fashion addictions.
Me? I’m addicted to my Sanuk flip-flops in the summer. They’re made from recycled yoga mats, so they’re good for the environment, and they’re super soft and comfy on my toes. Plus they’re black, so they go with everything from my cut off jean shorts to an adorable floral sundress. How about you? What's your fashion addiction?