I was blessed to speak last week at an amazing event called Stand Up, Stand Out at Missouri Institute of Science and Technology. We ran out of time at the end of the talk for the usual Q&A session, but several of the college sorority women who were in attendance wrote down questions and handed them to me. Not only were they great questions, but a lot of the questions were things I get frequently asked. Since I didn’t have a chance to answer them then and there, I thought I’d answer them here and now. There were so many great questions; I’m running it as a two-part blog.
So imagine you’re sitting at a round table at a ballroom in a university student center. Picture the autumn inspired orange and gold streamers draped across light fixtures. Grab a handful of the brightly colored M&M’s from the glass dish and listen to them tap against each other, and get comfortable for part one.
Q: What inspired you to write about/speak to college girls?
A: My memories of college life are movie-like. If you ask me about college, a montage with a soundtrack consisting of songs ranging from R.E.M. to Sinead O’Connor to James Taylor plays through my mind. I attended Miami University, which has a picturesque campus. My roommates were my best friends. I was involved in student life, took a summer to study abroad and laughed all the time.
That’s the movie version, and the things that first come to mind.
But the reality is there were other times to. Memories that would be left on the cutting room floor. Like when my roommates and I fought, and it left me feeling raw and alone, because these were the girls I cared about most, and sometimes I let them down, and sometimes they didn’t understand me, and sometimes I felt isolated. Except for when my strenuous business major called for all-nighters, and team meetings and presentations and I had to schedule my life in fifteen minute intervals, so I would be where I was supposed to be and do what I was supposed to be doing all day, and I was so stressed I felt like I might implode. Except when I had a series of bad relationships and felt sad and dejected and unlovable, and there were more tears than smiles.
Now I live in a college town, and am surrounded by beautiful, bright young women full of potential. Girls who are embracing life, and seizing opportunities, and struggling to keep it all together, and look perfect on the outside while they’re dealing with hard-hitting issues on the inside. They confide their stories in me. And so I write for them and speak to them. To share what I learned. To prove to them that they can get through. To let them know they’re not alone. To inspire them. To remind them that they are beautiful and unique and capable of moving mountains.
Q: Do you ever get writer’s block?
A: I actually have the opposite problem. I have way too many ideas bumping around in my head. I have books I want to write, characters I long to create, blog topics I’m itching to get down in words. There are certainly times when I’m writing, when I get stuck on a word or a phrase or a scene, but (knock on wood) I’ve never run out of ideas.
Q: How did you still believe in love after your parents’ divorce?
A: Man, I never once stopped believing in love throughout all of their separations, fights and finally their divorce. My parents’ divorce was about dishonesty and selfishness, insecurity and greed. It had nothing to do with love. If anything it made me crave real love, the kind that builds each other up, communicates, believes in each other, supports one another, edifies one another – the kind of love I’ve found with my husband. My parents’ struggles showed me what I wasn’t looking for, and therefore what I was looking for. And my faith in God has given me the reassurance that God always has and always will love me. He’s shown me an example of perfect love, of sacrifice and concern and compassion.
Come back next week for part two. Until then, How about you? Do you have any questions for me?
I have always loved music. Always.
Growing up, every cupboard, shelf and rack in our home was filled with the records my dad collected. I’d memorized the Wizard of Oz soundtrack before I could ride a bike and learned most of the lyrics to the entire Beatles catalogue before entering junior high. I still listen to music when I’m freaked out, chilling, excited, tired, pumped up, worked up, working out, baking, driving, you name it. And, I always sing along. Always.
Unfortunately, for those around me, I’m not that strong a singer. That fact hasn’t dampened my love of music, not one little bit.
A couple of years ago I attended a Chris Tomlin concert. In the middle of the show, Chris Tomlin took a break and Louie Giglio came on stage and spoke. It was a-mazing, and at the time, I’d never experienced anything like it. The mixed media of an inspirational singer with an inspirational speaker, well, it spoke to me.
Being a speaker myself, a thought, like a single brightly colored thread, wove itself through my brain. "What a cool way to speak," I thought, “as part of a concert, you know a ‘we interrupt this fantastic concert for a word about how much God loves you,’ and then ‘back to our regularly scheduled program’.” But the thread was thin, and my brain was packed.
A few months later Holly Starr, a Christian recording artist I’d gotten to know via Twitter was cruising through Ohio. We connected while she was in town, and I instantly felt like God sent her into my life for a reason. Her songs were beautiful and powerful, but even more incredible than her music was her faith. She shared with me how she became inspired to become a worship leader after seeing a Chris Tomlin show! WOW! Another thread, a thicker one, more coarse and tactile, wove its way through my mind and intertwined with the first, what if Holly sang and I spoke?
I’m blown away by how God prepares us, how intricate and well thought out and executed His plans are. Because, in just two weeks, Holly and I will be doing just that. We are thrilled to be sharing the message that our true identity is in in Christ – not from how much money we make, or what we drive, or how many followers or likes we have, not from what brand of shoes we wear, or how fast or strong we are, or what size we wear. The reality is, we were made in God’s image, meaning we are exactly as we are supposed to be, and we are perfect in His eyes.
Our sponsor, Sisterhood Magazine, helps us present the Through My Father’s Eyes Tour. Those two idea strands, the two seemingly random ideas, God has woven them into beautiful fabric.
We’d love to have you join us in this celebration. If you live near Bismarck, ND, we’ll be at Calvary Chapel at 7:00 PM on September 13. If you live near Ames, Iowa, we’ll be at First United Methodist Church at 6:30 PM on September 20. We’ll also be on the Finding Balance webinar together October 7 from 12:30 PM – 2:00 PM . Holly and I still have a few openings mid-September if your church or organization would like to partner with us in sharing this important message of true beauty.
After all of these years of singing to myself I can actually say, “I’m going on tour.” I promise you I won’t sing. Cool how God works. Always.
What’s your first memory of music?
The lazy, hazy days of summer. I love them. I adore rising early and going running with my husband in the morning air, before the heat breaks. I love exploring museums and parks and botanical gardens with my kids. It’s fun making smoothies out of whatever fruit is in the fridge, a glob of yogurt and a ton of ice, then slurping it down with a straw (we take any leftovers, pour them into popsicle molds, and freeze for the next day). I savor getting caught up on my reading pile, well, at least making a dent in it. Splashing in the pool on hot summer afternoons with my kiddos is a blast. Usually my writing goes on a bit of summer vacation too, so I can enjoy a slower pace with my family.
Last week Brenda Yoder tagged me in a game of blog tag, where writers share what they’re currently working on with each other and with their readers. Brenda is working on a book called, Balance, Busyness and Not Doing it All. And since most people I know, self included, are busy, or feel overwhelmed, or wonder how we're going to get it all done, I can't wait for its release.
And although I’m not doing a lot of actual writing, writing this summer, this is an exciting time in my writing journey. I released a new book, It’s Addicting. It’s the third book in the Status Update series revolving around four college roommates.
Obsessing over status, grades, exercise or a boyfriend could never become an addiction...could it? This third installment of the Status Updates series finds four college sophomore roommates finally getting comfy with the routines of dorm life. But Kat, Claire, Palmer, and Hannah soon begin to feel the nagging ache of innocent little addictions pulling them away from their true selves. Hang out with these four roomies to see if they can—or even want to—ditch these sneaky little hang-ups before they take over their lives.
I’m really excited about the response I’ve gotten from readers so far. It’s always a thrill to actually hold a copy of a book I’ve been working on for over a year in my hands.
I’m also gearing up for a tour with Christian recording artist, Holly Starr. We’re traveling through the Midwest in September sharing the message of finding our true identity in Christ. The tour is called Through My Father’s Eyes Tour and is being sponsored by Sisterhood Magazine. If you haven’t checked out Holly’s music yet, it would be a perfect addition to your summer playlist. And Sisterhood is packed with great ideas for summer DIY projects, trips, hairstyles, etc.
Plus, you know, I AM a writer, so I have a new book idea brewing. Notes scratched on napkins and corners of envelopes. More ideas jotted in my Notes App. A character. A setting. A struggle. I love this stage of writing. It holds all of the excitement and uncertainty of infatuation.
This game of tag requires that I answer a couple of more questions, so here goes….
HOW DOES MY WORK DIFFER FROM OTHERS OF ITS GENRE?
I was a marketing major in college. And one of the things they emphasized in my program, was your product had to have a distinguishing feature, and you had to know that niche.
Maybe I took it a little too seriously, but I write contemporary, Christian young adult, issue-driven fiction. That’s a lot of modifiers. And there’s not a lot of it out there. Try finding one whole shelf that carries Christian YA fiction at your local Barnes & Noble. I double dog dare you. If you do find the partial shelf dedicated to this genre, you won’t find many titles that take the current issues teens face every day and hit them square in the nose, challenging them to react, reminding them that Christ is with them in all the hard stuff.
WHY I WRITE WHAT I DO?
Because it’s real. Because it’s relevant. Because high school and college girls will find a boy attractive, will be at a function where there is alcohol, will feel pressures from this world to perform, to fit in, to look a certain way and to wear certain clothes and to succeed. And if we don’t talk about these things, then they get buried. Then there is guilt and shame and uncertainty. Shining light on these subjects allows teens and parents to examine them, allows girls to decide how they’re going to handle them, what their reaction to these situations would, could and should be, gives them a safe place to explore these challenges and talk about them and process them. I write about real life issues. I write what I write to let young women know they are not alone. And that no matter what, no matter what alley of life they’ve gone down, no matter what tragedy or trauma has hit them over their heads, Christ is with them, every step of the way.
HOW DOES MY WRITING PROCESS WORK?
It starts with a flicker in my brain. I get ideas every day, but some of them stick and develop and persist, while others fade away before I’ve finished my Starbucks. The ones that keep coming back to me are the ones I pursue. I gather ideas first, flashes of color, moods. Then I switch gears and go into fact-finding mode. Since all of my novels deal with real life struggles, I interview young women who have faced that specific struggle. It’s Complicated deals with date rape, so I interviewed college girls who had been violated. I asked how it affected them, what emotions they went through, what emotions they’re still going through. I take similar threads or unique details and weave them into a fictional tale, using the research to keep my stories authentic. Using story telling to keep it make-believe. And then I start writing. Just immersing myself in story. I always have an idea of the beginning and end when I start writing the actual book, but the middle; the plot itself propels itself forward as I write.
TAG YOU’RE IT
Since this is a game of virtual writer tag, for next Monday I’m tagging:
Amy Parker, author of more than 20 books. She was my editor on my very first novel, Skinny, and she's become one of my dearest friends. She has an incredible book releasing this fall. I’ll let her tell you all about it next week but to get you thinking, it revolves around the 20th anniversary of the end of the genocide in Rwanda. Powerful stuff!
Betsy St. Amant, who I had the pleasure of endorsing her YA novel, Addison Blakely, Confessions of a PK, a few years back and have continued to get to know via our ministry with Nicole O’Dell’s Choose Now. Betsy writes so many books I can’t keep track of her, so I’m excited to see on August 4th what awesome projects she shares with us.
How about you? How are you spending your summer days? What projects are you working on?
What are your little addictions?
Some of mine include: Starbucks, music, nail polish (no chips please, different colors on toes and fingers), exercise (I don’t care with who, or what or when, but I crave it), my phone (sad but true).
What are some of yours?
Maybe your addiction list includes; nachos, getting all A’s, your job, the beach, your sport/instrument/club/activity, Instagram, your best friend, a TV show, fashion, your boy friend…
Our lists could go on and on of the fun little interests, innocent cravings and even important responsibilities and relationships we’re “addicted” to. But when does a passion or interest become an “addiction”? When do these things that fill our minds and hours become modern day idols?
WHEN WE OVERDESIRE THEM.
See, it’s not the desiring that’s a problem. God created coffee beans and cocoa beans and the guy you have a crush on. He created your brain and your body and wants you to use them to glorify Him.
But when our little addictions conflict with or create tension with our family, our wallet, our values, our faith, when our “addiction” becomes more important than God, when we OVERDESIRE it, we’ve got a problem.
How do I mean?
I often plot out my morning to include a stop by my local Starbucks. I love my coffee. I get excited every morning when the aromatic smell wafts towards my nose, when the bold, rich flavor hits my tongue. And this is okay. God wants us to have pleasure, to enjoy this world and this life. He gave me taste buds that are receptive to the flavor of an iced venti with mocha and nonfat milk. But when I skip my quiet time with Him in the morning to make sure I get a coffee, when I’m late getting my kids to school or I show up late to a meeting, because I “needed” a coffee, this is an over desire. This is a problem.
Do you have a friend you adore? Someone who makes you laugh and truly gets you? It’s great to spend time with them, to text them throughout the day about funny things, things you’re stressed about, or to plan adventures or weekends together. But when you lie to someone who’s close to you, so you can go somewhere with that friend or to cover up for that friend, there’s a problem.
See the pattern? So how do we rein in our addictions? How do we keep our pleasant little every day desires from becoming something we obsess over?
First, ask ourselves if we are seeking affirmation from these things we adore. Because we do sometimes, don’t we? We seek affirmation from the coolest nail art to the fastest time on the 10K to the most followers on Twitter. We do. But truly our entire identity, all of our affirmation should come from Christ who created us.
That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original. Gal 5:26 MSG
Once we wrap our arms around this truth, we need to turn it over to Him in prayer.
Once we wrap our arms around this truth, we need to turn it over to Him in prayer.
When I have a morning where going to Starbucks will stretch my wallet, make me late, or cause unnecessary stress as I try to squeeze it into a tight schedule, I can pray, “Jesus, You are the only thing that truly satisfies me. Please let me drink you in this day, and feel you working in and through me. Let me taste Your goodness. Amen.” And then I can brew myself a cup in my Keurig and be thankful.
When your boyfriend or friend wants you to do something that compromises your values -- whether that’s gossiping or drinking or blowing off an assignment, and you’re craving their acceptance, pray something like this, “Please Jesus, I long for companionship, for love. I know that You are my constant companion, that You love me always. Please remind me of that love. Please fill me up with it. Let me realize it is better and fuller and more satisfying than any earthly relationship.”
And then read Bible verses (better yet, memorize a few) that will remind you of these things, that Jesus is enough. That in fact He’s everything we need. That we should crave Him, long for Him, seek Him and seek to please Him, and we will be valued and loved and treasured.
Here are some that help me:
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made ~Psalm 139:14
God not only loves you very much but also has put His hand on you for something special ~ 1 Thessalonians 1:4
It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don’t even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless ~1 Corinthians 4:3
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. ~Galatians 5:1
My characters in my new novel, It’s Addicting, encounter these very types of addictions -- the fun things that seem innocent enough. Follow college roommates Kat, Claire, Hannah and Palmer as they learn, explore, grow, discover and sometimes fall prey to their over desires in this third installment of the Status Updates series.
What about you? Have any addictions you'd like to share?
Life is full of choices. This morning you probably had to decide what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, and what music to listen to while you were getting ready.
You may have noticed, as you get older, the choices you make will have a greater impact on yourself and on others. Some of your decisions are more difficult, have more serious outcomes, like what school to attend, which classes to take, who to hang out with, should you date, what should you do when your friends make bad choices and so many more.
Will you make the right choices?
To make the right choices you need to equip yourself. There is an incredible free resource for teens and their parents to help guide you through some of these decisions through faith based living. It’s aptly named Choose Now. Choose Now discusses relevant topics including; FRIENDSHIPS and DREAMING BIG and GIRL TALK and DATING and FITNESS and HOLLYWOOD and BEAUTY, but not just about those things, but about how we make the right choices in all of those areas, the choices God longs for us to make, the choices that honor Him. Choose Now has columns by some of my favorite writer friends like Laura Kurk, Nicole O’Dell, Stephanie Morrill and Bethany Jett and podcasts discussing everything from frenemies to Spring Break from the latest nail polish colors to sex.
“If you’ve gotta start sometime why not now, if you’ve got to choose somewhere why not here?” Toby Mac
I’ve been blessed to be writing a column on Choose Now about True Beauty, one of my favorite subjects, for over a year. But as a result of me being a part of this ministry, I’ve been blessed by the insights of all of the other contributors. It’s too great a resource to keep to myself. I know too many young women and their parents who are grappling with all of these same issues. So if you’re a teen searching for answers or a parent of a teen longing to give her personal space, but also wanting to guide her in positive decision-making, this is a site you’ve got to check out. You owe it to yourself.
Here’s the link that will get you to all these free resources in one great place.
And if you like what you see, how this ministry guides teens and their parents to follow Christ’s plans for us, to embrace His love and the roles He’s given us, to stand up for what we believe in and the promises He gave us, here’s how you can help further this ministry.
FURTHER THIS MINISTRY BECAUSE REAL LIFE HAPPENS
What decisions are you facing today? How do you plan to choose?
In the beginning of The Lego Movie everyone in Bricksburg starts their day by reading identical instruction manuals. The instructions include things like getting dressed, doing your morning exercises, greeting your neighbors, and buying ridiculously expensive coffee. Sound familiar? Sounds like any one of any of our days, doesn’t it? And what’s so wrong with exercising and being kind and drinking Starbucks? (Inhale. Exhale. I’m not implying there’s anything wrong with drinking Starbucks. Stay with me.)
The main character of the movie, Emmett, is a regular, instruction reading, rule abiding kind of guy, completely unaware that anyone, anywhere would watch a different TV show than the one the government puts on continuous feed, “Where Are My Pants?” or groove to any song other than the ever popular President produced hit, “Everything is Awesome”.
Until he meets WildStyle.
WildStyle is a rebel with a cause, a Masterbuilder who can take any spare Lego brick and turn it into something amazing. She is brave and bold and has magenta and cyan streaks in her hair. And she is different.
How about you? Are you trekking through life, conforming to the instruction manual of your group of friends, class, team, club, neighborhood, family—going with the flow? Or do you have your own Wild Style?
Let’s face it, trends can be fun. I wear my leather riding boots almost daily, adore funky nail polish, and am right behind you in line ordering my nonfat mocha. I love watching the Academy Awards and seeing what all of the stars wore, how they did their hair and the fashions inspired by the hottest movies. There are some songs played on the radio, at halftime of the basketball game, at the mall that are so catchy, I can’t get them out of my head. And the newest iPhone is pretty cool, isn’t it?
But what about when the trends, when the general consensus goes against your instinct? True confessions? I look ghastly in the pastels that are rocking the runways this spring, so I stick to black and white. And, my feet get too cold in flats, so I don’t own a single pair. I watched the first five minutes of The Wolf of Wall Street and was so offended I left. It didn't work for me. At all. Even though it was nominated for the Oscar for best picture of the year. So I didn't stay.
And this is a good thing. Actually a great thing. We can’t all like the same things. Not only would that be a snooze fest, but by following the general consensus we can make poor decisions or miss out on choices that make more sense for us. God made each of us as individuals. Unique. With different tastes and styles and preferences and strengths and weaknesses. So whether you prefer indie music, or creating your own films, or sewing your own clothes, or sweet tea instead of coffee. Whether your hair has streaks or braids or feathers or is perfectly straightened with your iron each morning, just be you. Because God made you. And He loves to see you shine. God wants us to use our talents, flaunt our style. There is only one instruction manual He wants us to follow, and that’s the Bible.
What’s your inner Wild Style?
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
I love this question. It's loaded, isn't it? Who do you see? And why? And why not?
God sees His beautiful creation, but we let the world and its views and its expectations and comparisons and labels fog up our mirrors. Want to wipe off that fog and see yourself for the miracle God sees?
There's an awesome upcoming event to help us REFOCUS. The incredible, amazing, gorgeous, talented Holly Starr will be performing. Women of all ages will give their personal testimonies. I'll be speaking. Not convinced yet? There will be yummy snacks and coffee and prizes.
You owe it to yourself to discover your true beauty. Bring a friend or daughter or mother or sister or roommate, so after the event you can remind each other of who God created you to be.
Join me on March 1 from 9:00-12:00 at Oxford Bible Fellowship in Oxford, Ohio.
Last Friday we hosted a dinner for ten Fulbright Scholars from Afghanistan. Not your typical Friday night in our house.
My husband is a professor and was running a workshop for 70 Afghan scholars last week. Part of the weeklong visit was a dinner in an American home. We were blessed to be chosen as one of the host families (my husband running the program certainly helped).
Eight men and two women who all speak English, who all have graduated from college in Afghanistan, who all are in the United States for a two year master’s degree in various areas of expertise at Universities all across the states (ranging from the state of Washington to Washington D.C.), who all have been handpicked by the U.S. Department of State to receive these prestigious scholarships shook hands with me, my four kids and my hubby, thanked us graciously for the simple dinner of pasta and salad and shared their stories.
I specifically wanted to speak to the women. They were physically captivating with their olive coloring, large, dark eyes, and thick black hair. But these women blew me away with their inner beauty. One was a dentist in her homeland. She’s come to the States to get a Master’s in Public Health Policy, so she can return to Afghanistan and create better health care policies for her people. The other left home for the first time in her life to pursue her MBA in Finance in Rochester, New York, with dreams of helping non-profit rescue missions with their finances. One said, “I’ve been dreaming of this day since my first year of high school. I worked so hard for this scholarship.”
Yes she did. In a country where men and women are not treated equally, where education and employment opportunities for women pale in comparison to what men are empowered to do, these women fought the odds and went against what was expected of them achieving what some perceived as unachievable.
I take the fact that my daughter attends high school for granted. And living in a college town, it seems the opportunity to attend college is readily available. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed. These women will live for two years in a foreign land, away from their family and their food and their culture, speaking a second language, relying on buses to get them from small apartments to classes, to chase their dreams—dreams of hope and of change.
That kind of bravery in dream chasing deserves to be noticed. So, whatever dream you’re tossing around in your head today, think to yourself:
· Would I move to a country on the other side of the world to fulfill it?
· Would I leave family and friends and the familiarity of my culture to fight for it?
· Would I work years and years to achieve it?
If it burns that deeply in your heart, chase that dream with full force and enthusiasm. Light up the sky with the sparkling firework of your dream. And look to the example of these women as inspiration.
What's your dream?
Ask any writer about their WIP and you’ll be sure to spark a conversation. Even if the author is protective of their WIP’s identity, they’ll at least comment about how far along they are with their WIP, what genre it is, if it has a home, etc.
WIP is writer speak for Work In Progress.
Writers are always writing. Even if we’re taking a hiatus from our next novel. We might be working on our blog, an article, a forward or endorsement for a friend’s book. We could be in a rewrite stage or awaiting edits or using our writing to help a family member with their website or our church with a newsletter. Or maybe we’re in the mulling over stage--the plotting, researching or character development stage. But I guarantee, writers always have a WIP.
I was recently chatting with a writer friend (*ahem* Stephanie) about getting edits back from our editors, and no matter how much we write and how many times we go over our own work, editors find so many ways (major and minor) to improve our writing.
I am a Work In Progress.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Eph 2:10 ESV
God had this idea for me from the get go. He created me and predestined specific works I would do – how cool is that? But my story constantly changes. I need to listen to my editor (God) about some of my choices, and how to learn from my mistakes. My patience needs a rewrite. Paragraphs and even chapters of my life should go in the “trash” at the bottom of my screen with a satisfying “crumpling”. I am constantly searching for a better way to write myself, a more precise word, a truer reaction. As Robert Fulguhm (author of Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten) says, "I could do better. The president and the pope and all the rest of humanity. We could do better."
The awesome thing about me as a WIP, is I know my ending. Because I believe in Jesus Christ and His unending love for me, I know my ending is actually just my beginning.
But how I get there, what I say along the way, how I interact with those around me, the decisions I make, what I do with the talents and troubles and experiences that come my way… well, that’s a story I’ll always be refining.
Sometimes I think I’m a piece of work. Sometimes I think I’m progressing. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever work things out. But I always know that I am progressing toward the last beautiful chapter. And that the Author of my story is my Savior. He’ll never ever delete me. I’m not any old WIP. I’m His.
My current writing WIP is the third book in the Status Updates series. What are you working on?
I decided to start this blog as a way for me to work out some of the things going on in my head. Like my eating disorder. Somehow it seems less harmful if I say “eating disorder” like my doctor does, instead of ANOREXIA or BULIMIA which sound so vulgar and catastrophic. But the words “eating disorder” also make what’s going on with me sound so sterile and almost insignificant. Which it’s not! Because even though I’m “on the path of recovery”, I’m guessing I’ll never be normal about food again. I can’t look at a cheeseburger or a Cadbury egg without calculating fat grams and calories. I’m not allowed to diet, because it could spin into something ugly. So, even though I look normal, or at least normalish, I’m still eating, but trying to make that not be way too much food or way not enough food. It’s complicated!
Then there’s my boyfriend, Beau, who’s not actually my boyfriend because even though he says he likes me and I’m nutso over him, his parents say we can’t date. Well, we couldn’t date during basketball season. You guessed it, he’s a basketball player. As of last weekend, the season is officially over. So, we’re allowed to date again, only we’ve been on this break the last few months, so we don’t know what to do, how to do this dating thing. Sometimes I don’t know how to act around him – like how much of myself to reveal or how cool to try and act. But I’m completely mesmerized by him, and well, it’s a mess.
I also need to talk about God, because even though I know He’s always been there for me, I was ignoring Him, and that turned out to be a major mistake. I almost lost my friends, my slot on dance team (which is where I truly feel alive), Beau, everything, because I thought I could do it all by myself. I figured out the hard way, the ultra hard way that I can’t do everything by myself. I’m not even supposed to. God wants me to depend on Him. And, as long as I do my part, which means trying my hardest to be the best Melissa Rollins I can be, and talk to Him about it, He’ll take care of the rest. It sounds easy, and I’m really trying, but some days are harder than others.
So, I have to trust. Trust that I’ll figure out all this stuff about food and boys and God and somehow maintain good grades and keep my dance coach happy. Like I said before, it’s impossible to do it alone. But, I do believe, with God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Laura L. Smith